Why I Stopped Hiding My Gifts (And You Should Too!)

I first felt my connection to the Divine in church as a young girl. Then one day, at a very young age, I had a very real experience of flying in my front yard. I told my parents and was corrected, told it isn’t possible to fly. It must have been a dream. Their explanation seemed to fall short. I knew what dreams felt like, and this was different, much more real and vivid, and it happened right there in the front yard!

Around the same age, I remember questioning their concept of God. It seemed really strange to me that there could be a gigantic invisible old man hovering in some unseen sky judging our every move, given that there’s no such thing as invisible magic and whatnot. What if it’s all made up so that we behave?

In spite of my skepticism, I shut down my own experience in order to fit into the norm. I didn’t tell many people when I started experiencing lucid dreams and sleep paralysis, seeing my sleeping body from above, or having disembodied voices teach me how to create manifestations in my dream world. I hid in forums where I could share anonymously about my lucid dream experiences and learn from others, which led me to actively question the nature of my dreams while conscious within them. What a trip!

I was also selective about who I told when I started learning to astral project – to consciously control an aspect of my form that travels beyond the physical world when I sleep.

Those experiences expanded my worldview (or should I say worlds-view?) far beyond what mainstream society considers normal. I was often afraid what others might think, especially my more traditionally Christian friends & family. I actually learned astral projection through Gnosticism, an early form of Christianity that honors the mystical and promotes knowledge of a Higher Power through direct experience of unseen forces – which is exactly what happened.

I had been reading a lot of Oliver Sacks neurological case studies & Vonnegut, listening to Carl Sagan. I considered myself a secular humanist and assumed that my vivid dreams were just byproducts of a creative subconscious. But the feeling when I consciously left my body for the first time was so undeniably real, just like that time I flew when I was a little girl. It became impossible to deny that there is more to this Universe than meets the eye. I woke up from that experience with Kundalini energy surging up and down my spine – a phenomenon I had only read a little bit about but that would later guide me to discover my path as a practitioner and teacher of yoga.

Since then, my beliefs have opened more and more. I’ve refused to close my mind to any non-physical or interdimensional possibility. I regularly pray to a Higher Power, communicate with angels & ascended masters, and believe it’s totally possible (and probable) that fairies exist. After all, I have met a very cheeky gnome and a few wise elves in the astral.

Today my waking life is filled with miracles, synchronicities, and answered prayers – a beautifully woven tapestry of mystical and mundane. My faith is unshakeable. I believe we all have a purpose to learn and grow together in this world and the many worlds I’ve glimpsed beyond. I have a richly fulfilling meditation practice, and I still explore the astral when I find myself there, though I don’t seek it out as much as I used to.

Lately I’ve felt called to give back, to perform shamanic healing rituals for the earth while projected between the worlds, to request lucid dreams on behalf of friends in need and receive guidance from their Higher Selves, to offer myself in surrender and trust that the process is always leading to joy, peace, love, and healing for all beings. I also feel and “see” energy as colors with my inner spiritual sight and am learning how to use this ability in energy healing sessions.

I don’t see how it could serve me or others to keep hiding my gifts. There are plenty of people in the world who understand or share similar experiences. And how can I use these gifts in service if I’m too afraid to speak about them?

Astral Projection and the Burden of Proof

A couple of weeks ago, I got into a bit of a debate with someone close to me about astral projection. I’ve been practicing astral projection since 2009, so to me it is very easy to accept that there are realms beyond the physical. My firsthand experiences are more than enough proof for me. But this person has an interesting point. How can I know (or rather, how can someone else believe) that these experiences are not made up by my mind?

So this morning when I had a spontaneous OBE (out of body experience), I remembered that conversation and set out trying to find a way to prove myself.

It happened because I had awoken too early, stayed awake for a while, then gone back to bed. This is known in the lucid dreaming community as the WBTB or Wake-Back-to-Bed method. It creates an ideal balance of alertness and tiredness that allows us to remain conscious of the fact that we are falling asleep, which helps set us up for lucid dreams or astral experiences with awareness. So I was lying there, hoping that I would in deed actually be able to fall back asleep, when I suddenly noticed a familiar floating sensation. It’s like a mixture of a continuous falling, spinning, and drifting on the ocean. By now I recognize this as a sign that my body is falling asleep while my mind is awake enough to observe my energy body releasing from the physical. If I can stay present, a natural OBE will occur.

In this case, it seemed to be taking a long time, just spinning and spinning, falling and floating in darkness. So I asked for help (something I’ve recently learned how to do – it has dramatically improved my astral “game!”). I’ve had dud astral experiences where I didn’t have any plan of action so I chose to just observe, and invariably I usually just end up sinking underground into darkness. Boring! I called on angels or guides to assist me in being lifted to higher dimensions. Often when I’ve done this I am immediately whoooooshed into the most beautiful places. This time, I was at least lifted out into my bedroom. I began to see light through the covers from my bed and had enough energy to float around my room, an improvement over just spinning in darkness. I explored the familiar sensations. It never ceases to amaze me how the tactile sense can be so strong without a physical body. I floated over to the walls and rubbed my hands along them, and just to make sure I was indeed out of body, floated myself all the way up to the ceiling. Yup, my head hit. Funny. The first time I left my body I had expected to be able to move through the walls and ceiling like a ghost. Not so much.

Then I remembered that argument with my friend. If only I could prove how real this is! I began looking for clues that I could memorize and recall after waking. Are there any details I can find up here that I’ve never noticed before? There is a spikey texture on the ceiling – what If I count the spikes? That would take too long. Astral energy is usually very limited. Hmm, what about the details of the door hinges? That seems too easy to make up. A-ha! There is some text written on a placquard up here. Oh gosh. Reading is so difficult in the astral. Have you ever heard rumours that it isn’t possible to read inside of a dream? Well, it is, but it takes a lot of energy and focus. So I rally to read. The text becomes clear. The words are big and complex, which reminds me of another astral challenge. Memory. These experiences take place outside of our physical bodies, so we don’t have access to our hard memory banks, our brains. That’s why dreams are hard to remember, and astral experiences are like much deeper dream experiences. So, I set out to read all these long words in tiny text up by the ceiling in my bedroom. It took every last bit of mental energy I had, until my vision actually went dark again. Uh-oh, I’m losing consciousness. I thought about my body laying in my bed and how much I had been needing the extra rest. I didn’t want to wake up yet!

Maybe I could forget the text and hurry toward the window. (For some reason I can float through windows and some doors but not walls or ceilings.) If I made it outside, I could refresh my energy and have an adventure! My energy body didn’t respond. There was no movement. It seems that by thinking about my body, my consciousness had shifted back. I tried to lay still and keep my mind quiet. Maybe I could still exit and go play. No such luck. I gently opened my eyes and reached for my dream journal.

Here’s the thing about the astral. Supposedly it is mostly made out of thought-stuff. So in a way, my friend is right. We are making it up with our minds. Yet it is (in my understanding) a very real energy that responds to thoughts. It also seems to change the longer you are there and the further away from your body that you journey. I believe it is like a continuous spectrum of energy that changes in density, and that our consciousness changes stations much like a radio tuning into a different frequency. In fact, many people (including myself) have heard radio stations while passing through the astral!

As for trying to prove my experience, I had gone about it all wrong. My ceiling doesn’t have any textured spikes. Also, my walls were white in my OBE, yet they are colored in waking reality. Also, the door hinges are on the opposite side than I had perceived them, and most importantly, there is NO text placquard anywhere above my door! I actually keep artistic greeting cards above the door, so there is text on those but not in the way I had perceived it. All of my obsessive efforts to prove my experience were in vain!

My mistake was assuming that I was in physical reality just because the room resembles my physical room. I should know better by now. According to astral projection expert Robert Bruce, there is a very limited “Real Time Zone” where the astral does pretty closely resemble physical reality, but most of us only pass through that realm briefly, and even then there are some differences. It’s such a tiny slice of the energy spectrum, and it’s not the same space that we walk around in every day, even if it looks the same. My “Real Time Zone” experiences have always been full of anomalies, and according to Robert Bruce, that’s completely normal.  I mean, we have physical bodies made for the physical world. Astral bodies exist in a whole different world! That’s why we can’t actually fly through the air when we’re awake. It goes both ways.

In the case of astral projection, the proof is in the pudding. You really do have to try it first-hand in order to understand what makes it so special and unique, some say more real than reality itself. (What is “reality” anyway?) Ontology debates aside, who can decide whether another’s first hand experience was “real” or not? It’s really up to that individual. That’s why I always recommend trying it yourself!

Contact me to set up a session – I’d love to guide you into your own astral exploration!